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koipudding · 16 days ago

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warm up no.3 :

Rin Itoshi x gn!reader | wc: 2.5K | hurt/comfort, fluff| SFW | all characters are 20+

cw: self indulgent, unestablished and unclear relationship, implied requited feelings but reader is oblivious to type of feelings, no use of y/n, reader has really bad stress/implied depressive episode, rin is very vulnerable and used to reader MAY BE OOC (childhood friends to roommates), reader is the same age as sae/older than rin, some shade is thrown at sae for narrative purposes, made up Itoshi family dynamics... reader struggles with eye contact.

Skin to skin contact burns.

the amount of germs, the rate at which they multiply and the unique biomes of everyone you come across…

You’ve grown averse to it. Touch has been a punishment and a reward—withholding a comforting touch to teach a lesson, or patting your head as a form of praise.

Words are even more unfamiliar. No one says what they mean. Which is why, when you look at the man next to you, all you can think about is how he deserves better than this. People have treated him similarly, avoiding him, whispering scorn and disdain for a seemingly harmless fixation of his.

Someone willing to hug him, offer a shoulder and whisper something kind. But you are and know none of those things. One day, you’re sure he’ll meet his match, someone to truly offer him kindness. As his best friend, all you can do is promise to stay when no one else has.

Rin has just got back from a game, one you couldn’t get to because of finals, but you watched the highlight reels immediately after the exam and checked the scores, just to send him an excited voice memo, and a promise of a celebration.

Which leads you to here: his apartment by your university, in comfy (matching) loungewear (matching t-shirts with a horror movie character you don’t know), and a random B movie on the tv.

Rin is seated on the floor, your pochaco hair clips holding his bangs up, and you’re curled on the couch, smothered and cushioned by plushies and his blanket. He rants about something a teammate did, and that Yoichi had to taunt him mid game, causing Rin to retaliate and get a yellow card.

“I didn’t even instigate it…stupid Isagi did.” he scowls.

You try to comfort him anyway, sucking in a breath and whisper a gentle reassurance “It’ll… it will be alright. There’s always next time.”

He stops rambling, and looks up at you, “you think so?”

You nod. Rin is always like this, caught up in his emotions and incapable of seeing the bigger picture. Not that you really mind–you’re just the same–but he’s too sweet to be hurt over something like this.

“I’m sure they didn’t mean it that way, Rin.” you scoot closer, rolling your sleeves down to your palms and patting his head.

Rin gets soft around you. Maybe it’s because you’ve dealt with kids your whole life, from siblings to cousins and having more “maturity” than your peers. Or because you two were attached to the hip, and everyone joked how you (despite being the same age as Sae) were inseparable from the younger Itoshi.

It would be nice if he found comfort in you (you hope he does).

He crawls up the couch, trying to squeeze between your side and the arm of the couch, like he’s still smaller than you (even though the two of you went past that point a long time ago).

“I don’t know why they have to do shit like that anyway. We’re supposed to be professional and they get on my case about everything, and shitty Sae keeps ignoring me.” Rin deflates into your side, and narrows his eyes at your shuffle.

“You want me to talk to them? I’m on good terms with the team… it’s probably a miscommunication rin-chan.” You fidget, and don’t notice Rin leaning towards you, donning a slight pout and narrowed eyes.

“You flinched,” he mutters.

You think you could laugh. He sounds more petulant than offended, but you know he’s hiding the hurt.

“Didn’t mean to. Thought I saw a bug.”

Rin starts to shake (he only thinks about how he can’t lose you too. Not like how he made Sae leave. Like how he worries his parents to the point that they don’t care anymore).

“That's bull. I keep this place clean, there’s bug catchers and citronella all over my place.We have rosemary and basil in the balcony, star anise in cabinets—” he lists everything. From the natural repellants his mom put in his apartment years ago, and the stuff he bought to keep you safe.

“It’s okay, Rin. I’m just stressed…” Not a lie. technically.

“You never do that though,” he scowls, “even when your hair was turning white you didn’t do that.”

Rin feels the world crumble. You never flinched. He made sure he wouldn’t be too abrasive for you. You, who never cried when their knee was split open and bleeding, and just let their lip tremble while applying antiseptic (you never had anyone offer help). You didn’t even react when people pushed you around or isolated you, and you’d just smile and continue to help Rin with his homework, even when your eyes brimmed with tears as people tore your notes up.

High school was rough for you. You didn’t get along with anyone other than Rin, and the difference in age separated the both of you.

All of your anxieties took control during sophomore year. He’d find your hair all over his room, and you were weaker everyday, no matter how many times he tried to get you on vitamins.

He left for blue lock at the same time your hair started turning white. Back then he didn’t think much of it, but he returned to find you so much worse. Eyebags, a flimsy stature and barely able to stand upright… you wouldn’t even stay to watch soccer games or eat ochazuke with him.

Back then you just apologized for being so “off” and said “If I knew you’d visit me… I’d have cleaned up a little better, heh…” and he tried not to press the issue. Response times between messages increased until you stopped altogether. A wicked part of him thinks he should’ve left long before it got to that point. But you were (are) his best friend, and the only remnant from his childhood that has seen and accepted every bit of him. And Rin doesn’t let go of his favorite things easily.

Every hour was spent thinking about how to get you back, to cheer you up and at least get rid of the tension in your brow. He’d get bubble tea, a plushie you stared at for more than two seconds, your favorite pen would never go missing, and your sweaters got professionally dry cleaned after his first blue lock paycheck (and if your worn feijixiu and threadbare jiaoling ao were missing but got replaced with ones made of pure silk and wool… that’s a secret for him).

All previous grievances with his team, his brother, the whole damn world–they all get pushed to the side as he sees your glasses fog up.

you bury your face into your arms, the sleeves catching the tears, “I don’t know.”

“What the hell do you—” he shakes his head and tries again, gentler this time, “you…you don’t have to know. Just…stay here. I’m always here for you, right?”

You shake your head, “you shouldn’t have to be, Rin. I keep doing this to you, and you keep cleaning me up and saying shit like “it's alright” and ignoring the fact that you’re taking care of someone who’s supposed to be more mature than that!

I should have people other than you to rely on, and I can’t just go to you all the time I feel like a fucking mess.” You huff, eyes burning with the exertion it takes to hold and match his intense eye contact, and to ignore your normal instinct to avoid it.

“but it is alright. I am here, and I want to take care of you, I—I can’t let you go.” Rin doesn’t know why (nor does he care for why) you’ve grown averse to his touch, but he just needs you back. Something changed within months of his absence, and only gets worse the longer he’s gone.

He’s taken you away from your hometown, from the things that torment you but you haven’t gotten better… and that scares him more than anything else.

His hands guide your face down, away from his eyes.

Permission to look away. A reminder that you don’t have to pretend with him.

“You always tell me I shouldn’t hide, and… and that we can rely on each other, but you never let yourself rely on me. Why is it that only I can find solace in you but never the other way around? It’s stupid.” Rin breathes and finds himself whispering “and you’re not stupid. I know how smart you are. So why aren’t you acting like it?”

“I’m being SAFE.” Your voice breaks when you snap.

This time it’s Rin who flinches away from you. You don’t get a hold on the guilt before it’s too late.

Rin thought he was a safe space for you. He’s just like his brother; both of them are incapable of realizing where they fail to provide, and taking all the wrong measures for the right reasons.

pathetically, you whisper “I… I didn’t mean to yell.”

And Rin is always there to catch you (and every tear) when they eventually fall. “I know. You only speak in whispers and poems. You speak through playlists you send and never say a word to my face. You try to be something you’re not in an effort to be everything you think I need.”

His mind has never been clearer. It’s like his metavision on the field, but everything is you. You, who has wormed their way through the crevices of his heart and held his hand, even when covered in the melted popsicles from the konbini. You, who has seen every version of Rin Itoshi and has stayed regardless (and there’s him, who only gets the version of you that you think he needs, but still knows he could love all of you, no matter what you end up becoming to him).

Rin is so close to you now. You can smell his cologne, the candy he ate earlier and the scent of laundry detergent and shampoo. You lean in, because it’s Rin, and a little part of your brain still thinks you’re kids, sleepy after a few hours at the playground and still aching for more time together because he gets you, and you get him.

You know that this is the only time you get to see Rin’s true colours. When it feels like you’re decades in the past, that’s when the both of you are closest.

“I know–I know that you don’t like to talk about it. And that something… and that when I left something changed and you can’t talk about it…but is it so hard to believe that I’m here!? That after everything–after all you did for me when nii-chan left and when we were depressed in high school that I wouldn’t want to know? I wanna know everything about you, and even if I know it already I want to hear it from you, not find out because you couldn’t get out of bed, or your intrusive thoughts turned impulsive and you got hurt.” again is left unsaid.

Something akin to grief, maybe shame makes it into your voice “and that’s…”

Rin’s too close now. Every muscle in your body begs for you to run but you can’t because you know Rin isn’t the type to hurt you.

“I hate that you think like this,” he spits, “you’re not a nuisance. You’re not a burden. I don’t keep people who yap all day and blow my phone up in my life if I didn’t want them. I would’ve ignored you at the playground, in school if I didn’t want you here right now. Don’t listen, feel and see. Words mean nothing from anyone until they act on it.”

Your hands are brought up to his heart, beating fiercely under his skin, and he holds your fingers to touch his neck and to eventually cup his face.

Rin repeats words you’ve said to him; things you said to comfort him half a decade ago. you gave him a speech similar to this, back when Sae first left. You told him to sit and wait, because if Sae cared, he would show it. Because Sae doesn’t waste time on words. Neither did you, but your heart made you softer, more sensitive towards delivery than you’d have liked.

Looks like your gentle sentiments worked in your favor.

You don’t realize that you’re shaking and crying until his arms engulf you.

Maybe it’s been a while. But you forgot when an embrace felt this warm, instead of a cold formality.

“thank you… rin.”

A heaviness settles in your heart, but it’s one derived from relief and the comfort of a home, like you finally ate a full meal after days of hunger pains.

“I… I hate not seeing you upset. I hate when you hide stuff from me, I’m your…I’m your best friend. You promised.” Rin shakes a little again, and you nuzzle into his shoulder, wiping some tears against his shirt.

You giggle a little “you like seeing me cry? Who knew Rin-chan was a sadist.”

“That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

Unsettling is what first comes to your mind.

Then a feeling of exhaustion. Like after a long car ride or fulfilling day. Rin Itoshi has always felt like home to you, and you just want to curl up and forget about your responsibilities for a bit.

“You grew up. Not the same Rin-chan I had to carry around after he got a bruise from a practice game.” Your tongue feels like lead, and you go limp in his arms.

Rin only pulls you closer, pulling you on top of him so your cheek can smush against his shoulder.

“No. I’m still that way. I just… I need to be held differently than that now. But I still need you.” Rin kisses your forehead, and leans back.

“Mh. I know.”

The blanket is pulled over your shoulders and his arms around your waist.

“I love you.” Rin whispers once.

“I know.” Your voice is hoarse, and you grip his shirt until your knuckles go white. You love him like this, pochaco hair clips and his ever fluctuating attitude, the softness he reserves for you and you only.

“I love you.” Rin whispers twice. It’s louder this time.

You nod. All you can think is how his skin feels nice. How he’s the only hand you hold without needing hand sanitizer or a handkerchief. But he gently guides you out of your stupor with a peck on the forehead.

“I want… I want a home with you. I want to nestle in your rib cage and poke in your brain until I understand what makes your heart beat faster and what gets it to calm down again.” Rin whispers.

It sounds odd, because you know Rin isn’t like this (gentle) for anyone else. But it's your secret. And if anyone knows every secret Rin Itoshi holds, it’s you: His home, his universe.

a/n: i actually forgot he got paired with pochaco for a bllk x sanrio collab. pochaco is my favorite sanrio character :3 (my pfp actually !!!) also inspired by my reread of tian guan ci fu! and that last line was a reference to alien stage. i've been relistening to it and. i love hyuna and luka so much T^T

#listened to drawl by haruno and encore by sasanomaly while writing...#got my sad but optimistic playlist going for this one #im so fond of him. and I thought him + an equally emotionally constipated companion would be amusing.#rin itoshi fluff #bllk x reader #blue lock x reader #blue lock x you #bllk x you #bllk x gender neutral reader #blue lock x gender neutral reader #rin itoshi x reader #rin itoshi x you #koi writes #this was a WARM UP NOT A ONESHOT OMFG #alas. this was cathartic.

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